It only happens once...

Howdy...

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 02:47:04 GMT

Howdy,

here it is you mo fo.

Can you imagine if i always looked like that? I think i would change my name to Jesus.

This is Sam. I was drunk and didnt turn off the flash. Hahahaha.

Bus Stop Buddies. Anna, me, and Sam.

Friends? I think.

This is Shawn^ and this is Diana^. yay!

This is Sam. Sam has a mini. See Sam speed. (cardboard)

This was Sam, Mike's bong, and a bottle of Corrona. See what happens in the dorms after a party?

This is Hanna and Mike. They bask in the elegance of natural beauty.

See Sam spin a plate. This was done all day long.

Didn't that make you happy like it did me? (note the facial expression)

S.C.R.

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 06:18:33 GMT

As I sit alone watching this horrible conversational french television show on pbs i cant help but reflect on my day. i just finished hanging out with jonathan. this is very strange, i cant help it but i cannot let go of the past. i had considered him my bet friend back in high school and then for some reason i fell in love with him. as we all know this is one of the stupidest things i have ever done but i suppose i learned alot about what i feel for people and how that though you may have feelings for someone, it almost never ends up to be a requited love. this is why i suk. i am trying to think of him as a friend yet i cant help but wanting to ask if i could suck his dick. i am horrible. i cant be a good friend to anyone of my male friends i suppose. grrrr this does ot satisfy my wants and needs. what am i to do?

lately i have gotten high with him like twice, i think, for a while i didnt think he was really there but instead a helucination, i mean i had not seen him out side of school since february. so ofcourse i was/am skeptical about his reasons for wanting to hang out with me, i cant imagine why he would want to be frinds again with me especialy since no one really wants to do it anyways. i cant help but feel like he is just using me to get away frim his house or just to get high or drunk. i just dont know anything. but why do i still love him so much. grrrrr.

soooooooooo anywho. last night i went swimming with emily and whit and that was fun they are such awesome friends. And vida, wow, she did this really beautiful cherokee tribe symbol in henna on my chest. it looks really cool. jake fianlly finished shooting for that directory i was really happy for him, he stresses so much and i really worry about him some times, i need to spend more time with him.

i cant think of anything else right now but if there is anyone out there who i would most likely like to talk to (namely you) call me 239-5504

scr

well well well...

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 19:07:46 GMT

ladies and gentlemen ita has come to my attention that i will be departing for Ithaca, New York on August 18, 2005.
I must say that i am thoroughly delighted that i will be leaving this place, however, I do realize that with that i will be leaving all of my friends and family. this makes me feel alone sad and excited. Since i am laving it has made me want to be social (you know, kinda like going out with a BANG) but i really havent been that social this summer so i am lacking in company. If anyone would like so join me for dinner or something give me a call, IM me or comment and I'm sure we will do something.

sin-cerely,
S.C.R.

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 08:06:11 GMT

Fucktard

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 06:58:34 GMT

Look At My Poe Ass!!!!
Recently i have aquired my very own tattoo.

this is my photo essay.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Sin-cerely,

S.C.R.

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 00:10:26 GMT

howdy.

i am really borred. here are pictures.

Emily, Chad, and my man-bag.

Emily and Whitney. Sexy Bitches.

Me and Uncle Pete. Obviously related.

Jackie and Chase. Chow-down.

Beautiful eyes... no?

Sam and Miranda. Gots-ta love facial expressions.

Me and Chad. Ok I'll brag... My hair is to die for.

Steven, me, Emily, Whitney, and Chad. This could only have been done with the mentality of 8 year-olds, otherwise.... pool orgy.

I love Cory Hart.

the Southern Sky.

Sara, me, and Amber. Hail the consessionists.

The Mackenzie Monster.

View form the roof on my break.

mmmm. Grilled cheese at 3 am

Mom gave me a Journal.

alright. im done.

headache throbbing, ow

scr

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 05:42:38 GMT

i am sitting in the dark

the solemn darkness . i am surrounded by only negative space and only lights of the contibuting mood are glowing . i feel as relaxed and serine as a leaf floating in a pool of water .

this leaf is symbolic . like me it has been taken away from where it has sprouted and bloomed . it has esaped from its familiar abode and now is lying motionless on the water . floating about the new surounding which helped the tree form the leaf giving it life and fullfillment . the leaf quietly dies among the living force , the irony is apparent . floating motionless it accepts its fate and lies still . never moving nor living simply floating . the existence of support has seised to continue . it is alone and silent .

im too relaxed right now to even care about any critisism of this entry. oh well everyone new i was crazy anyway.

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 05:47:46 GMT

howdy

i have graduated. everything is changing, what fun.

Am i a slut? (its totally innocent, im just helping him out)

so i had mom over, we are good friends but i dont hink she is the mother that is what i am "supposed to have".

the party was fun i thank all that were there...

thanks : Emily, Vida, Jon, Morgan, Spencer, Derick, Whitney, Chad, Sam, Miranda, Steven, James, Chase, etc...

i have gotten used to taking dad's place when entertaining. i really like making drinks and trying to please everyone, i think i might be mentaly screwed.

i went to a party at chris's house, luckily i brought my swim suit. however i was sort of ashamed it was a speedo. i dont lke myself for some reason. perhaps i see too much into other peoples attitudes and i couldnt help but feel like a complete fool around sam. i dont know why though, maybe i look up to him??? -who knows- anyways i couldnt help but notice chris's endowment. im terrible, why must i objectify friends?! i suppose i like penis too much. crazy bitch.

this is the start of my summer. i wonder how it will end.

sin-cerely,

S.C.R.

P.S. chad is leaving for germany soon, i am going to miss hi alot, i know we all are. chad, you are the awesomest kick-asstest scrumtuelesent man-friend i have ever had. i love and will miss you.

Tue, 17 May 2005 05:51:46 GMT

Howdy,

so much has happened since the last entry.

so i will give you this.

senior skip day (french class)

a glorious evening with the talented jake divine.

the divine drive (low on gas)

damn, he's too cool for smiles

a sweltering afternoon for a dog walk with vida, this is Honey

IS THIS NOT THE PLACE WHERE THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASACRE TOOK PLACE?!!

it's Ana the Blown-up Blow up doll!

How serene my native lands are.. until you pave over them so that Wal-mart will take over the world. this has desroyed my people.

my successfull attempt at stalking Emily.

oh damn! who is that ugly ass whore and why is it not wearing clothes?

and now, the prom.

Srap, me, and Miranda. dad really like my teeth there, he is isane.

my dates, Eva, Jake, and Emily

the very spiffy, Chase and Jackie

the best boosum at prom, chase and me

the ever- wonderful, Patrick and Morgan, i love her dress

me and the superman tim tucker.

"who the hell do you think you are?"

WHEN PROM QUEEN GOES WILD!!!

Mr. Nifty, jake divine

i wonder whats going on over there.

mmmm jones soda.... mmmm emily's cleavage

yes i made her corsage, and yes it does match her dress perfectly

How could you resist?

Todd ... my man love

co-workers yvette and amber, hot lady... or at least lukewarm

Prom Court 2005

sexy?

shake your groove thing!

she's a maniac on the floor.

BUSTY

me and Mr. Cool Jordan Drum

Cassy Contreres and mr ramos

jake at denny's

Emily a denny's

me and Mr. Tucker at our last concert... tear

Jake and Emily at daybreak... nirvana

sincerely,

S.C.R.

1:41 AM - add eprops - add comments - email it

hohumhow

Tue, 10 May 2005 00:46:07 GMT

well i suppose my sinuses are killing me. latelyi have been hanging out with chad and whitney and also jake and emily.

i have been confined to the pale world of the internet and the disapointments of email.

right now im incredibly hot, i dont know why. i suppose i shoud take my temperature.

i have not eaten anything of nutritional value in weeks.

i hate feeling like im avoided. i know im probably not avoided at all but yet it feels like i put myself out trying to simply be me. and yet some how i am always rejected. what does that say about me?

ahh i think i might have a fever, that or im anxious.

the headaches return...

1 alegra-D, 1 benedril, 2 asprin, 1 mucinex. the eyes continue to water.

Thu, 05 May 2005 06:39:09 GMT

terrible terrible terrible

the car is taking more time than anticipated.

whitney and chad are entertaining.

JWF is good yet distant.

i havent been working much.

jake will be 80 mins away.

the big twist is evident.

jordan drum is a nifty guy.

vida is fun.

ava and rene make me feel so welcome.

i bought my swim suit.

sin-cerely,

S.C.R.

if it is avoided, it really shows me how problems are truthful.

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 21:44:29 GMT

Howdy,

hmm.... i really dont know where to start on this entry.

i cant really remember the begining but i know it must have started some how. i think i'll go backwards.

Tonight is the Troubbled Hubble concert (4-23-05) i thought i had requested tonight off, but i suppose my sloppy handwritting has gotten ahead of me. so i am working tonight from 6 to close. after work i suppose i could walk home but i definitly know im not going to the show. i am stuck at home right now and will be dropped off at work at 6. this morning i found out i would not be getting tonight off. last night i got home at 2:45 am, previous to that i went to morgan's for a lovely night of hooking with emily, before thatwe had gone for a swing at wagner park, emily won the swinging contest, before that Melody, Morgan, Emily, and i went to the Lubbock cemetary and drove around, before that we all had gone to the parking garage, that was nifty, before that we all had tea at my house and dressed up like old ladies, but yet later i looked like a sinfully handsome 40's movie star vixen..... it was fun. before that i had a talk with emily after having vegatable lasagna which was pretty good. before that emily came over and i let loose some feelings which is good... better that being bottled up.. before that i had gotten into the shower and cried relentlesly blaming myself for the whole thing and totally disapointed i how i actually think i can be a strong, healthy, helpful, and intelligent. it was a disgrace. previous to that dad had said he was "already late for a dinner" after telling me that i should have told him if anything was wrong rather than trying to fix it myself, never once concerned about my feelings towards the matter and not ever enquiring if i was ok. before that it was a mad rush to get everthing that needed to be hidden hidden and then trying to get everything out of my car. before that i called dad and told him what happened and he just seemed iratated. before that i put the fire out.............

and now, the beggining.

Morgan and i went to go pick up Spencer from his class, it was a really hot day and my car had over heated, we turned the heater on and rolled the windows down so we could breathe. Spencer finally got to the car and he sat in the back seat, he tried to roll down his window but it wasn't working, they suggestedthat it was probably a fuse and nothing more. so i got over it and went to drop them off. the next day, a thursday i think, i decided i needed to get an oil change, i went to bolton's oil change as i usualy do and got it changed. they told me i needed a new air filter badly but they didnt carry any tat fit my car. they told me to go to autozone and get a filter, brign to them and they would replace it so i went to autozone and got the air filter, while i was there, i remember that dad had told me to get some extra fuses incase i ould ever need them, so i did , i also thought ath it would help the back window. i went to my car and replaced certain fuses i thought looked in bad shape, after that i got me filter replaced and went on with my day. the next day, Friday, i woke up fourteen minutes past ten am. i was already late to school, i woke up quickly brushed my hair and ran out the door, i went to school then left, i hung out with emily and went to go look for a prom dress for her. i skipped my UIL Orchestra rehersal, but i dont think anyone noticed, after that i went and hung out with Adam Wright strangly enough, we had a horrible lunch followed by a few nostalgic events, after that i went to meet morgan so he could go look for a job at the mall, it seemed promising, later i went and hung out at his house then went on my way home....

On the way home i decided i had better go to an ATM so that i would have money for Troubled Hubble which i thought was that night by mistake. after that i went home and as i was driving my warning light came on signaling that my brake light was out, i didnt think much of it, i figured i could replace it when i got home. so i got home and i thought i would chech the fuses, i loked at the column and noticed there was smoke coming from my brake pedal. THIS IS WHEN I WENT INTO A SLIGHT STATE OF SHOCK. i dodnt know what was wrong so i popped open the hood. i looked at the engine and nothing was smoking. i shut it and looked back into the car, i saw that the drivers seat was filled with smoke, i opened the door and got my phone and wallet out, while i was in the car i looked at the back of the car and i couldnt see anything but smoke, i couldnt breathe and i was extremely scared. i opened the wagon door and it was full of smoke, i didnt know where the smoke was coming from until i noticed it was coming from my spare tire compartment. i took the cover off and there it was, the spare tire and my brake light were in flames. the fire was getting bigger and the only thin i could do was try to smother it. the tire was not going to stop so i grabbed it and threw it out into the street. now the tail light was still falming but i saw that there were wires there so i didnt go get the water hose because my first thought was, "it's an electrical fire". a truck passed by as i was trying to put the fire out with my weekly world news - featuring the worlds fattest woman. i asked the guy if he had a fire extinguisher, he didnt, but my neigbors were asking me if everything was alright, the some came over and told me to get the water hose for the tire, so i went and got it, it dint reach completely so i spraid the water on the fire and it went out.i dont know how but they put the fire out from the brake light. since it was out another neigbor came out and was asking how i was doing and if i knew what happened. all of it was crazy, i suppose it was the fact i replaced the fuses... my bad.

epilogue

i am car-less right now and sad. i feel resentment from my father, and everything that i have been concerned about recently just kind of made everything so much harder. im sure everything is going to be alright concering the car, yet as for everything else, i think im just diging my own grave.

sin-cerely

S.C.R.

one for the dot

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 23:42:35 GMT

hmm
i hate when i become bastardly. i drive myself inane because i am always conserned about what others are thinking and if i am a bother or not. i hate that i cantbe a nice person. when i dont know or like someone i'm polite and nice, and when i really care about people i'm always an asshole, its stupid.

this weekend i went to a wine and cheese partyand had 2 merlots and 2 blushes needless to say i was tipsy and i hung out with sam chris miranda and strap, i thinki might have been flirting with chris and sam...damn i'm such a lush, oh well

ileagal things are fun.

sincerely,
S.C.R.

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 23:31:14 GMT

howdy,

this past weekend was great. on friday i hung out with morgan and then went to the IB art show with emily. the art was good, nick had some good photographs suprisingly. after that we went to see the chickcrits gallery and there was this one peice of art that really made me think, i love art that does that, i always feel used. after that emly and i went for a swing and then to cilantro's. that was good. after that we got coffee and went to a party. there was this guy there that i am head over heels for. he is the most gorgeous guy in the world. tall, thin, long handsome legs, hair that surpasses even mine, and he was wearing shorts tight enough to keep me staring... ohh i can dream. that night i had two beers and some of a crappy winecooler, i was a little buzzed but thats it. i took emily home and i was home at 3am.

saturday: went to work came home hung out with morgan ava and arron, we went exploring through condemned apts it was fun. after that we went to the roof of the parking garage. it was beautiful. we went spinning and that was fun, i decided i would play that song from Diva that makes me cry.... i decided that that song will b playing as my coffin is lowered into the earth. after that we went to the Weekley residence and played dress up then morgan and i went to go pick up emily, we went to this party at ricky wates house. i had 2 of these nice little tasty drinks and a shot of jose quervo...yummy after a while we went to ihop and ran into andrew, poor guy, he had hit another car, it was sad, but i had to laugh. is it sad that i find him attractive? anyways, ihop was really busy so we went to arby's wich still took forever. after that i took emily home then morgan too. after that i took ricky home too i went inside with him and we had a long convesation about high school and such, he is a nifty guy, but i think he may be having a hard time. i stayed there annoying hime asking "what are you thinking about?" from about 5am to 8:30am since that was when he fell asleep. i couldnt believe i stayed up all night, it was kind of cool, excet i had to work that day.

sunday: i cant really remember.

monday: went to school, went home, changed, went to antique stores with morgan then we went driving and just hung out.

today: went to school, wore shorts, had lunch with jake, we are definitly going to need to hang out in new york. i saw jonathan, i kind of feel bad that i dont make an effort anymore to try to talk to him or hang out, i just think that he doesn't care so i figure - why bother- . i came hime and watched this thing about bette midler and it made me think of joanna. i dont know why i do that, but i cant help but think that joanna would have been a great entertainer some day, i do think about her alot and i do miss her. i even cried a little. i miss her.

well, what do you think of me?

sin-cerely,

S.C.R.

this is rediculous

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 04:30:19 GMT

i want to cry, i hate having feelings.im such an idiot. whyam i so vunerable? why do i continualy do this. i hate it. right now i would describe my feelings as wanting to cry, i feel a strain in my neck likei want to scream. what should i do? i am an asshole and completely needy. my stupidity for wanting to love only teaches me the pain that goes with hate. grr.

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 06:42:43 GMT

howdy,

i got accepted to Wells College, I'm definitely going to NY for college, Jake got accepted to RIT really happy for him. new countertops for the kitchen are in progress. freakish snow is falling. bought love in vein II (kick ass). ms wickerxhams book is available at barnes and noble, i get exposure. i have to be att work in 11 hrs.

quills is nifty, I <3 HDTV

sin-cerely

SCRew it

finaly

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 00:29:21 GMT

So far..

Graduating with honors
Finished Wells applicaton
Finished Ithaca application
Completed the yearbook
Made my strong friendships non-existent
Can't actually care about anyone
Bought an mp3 player for my car
Haven't had a clove in a week
Haven't had sex in two years
Haven't been drunk since god knows when
Thinking I am insane

oh dear, i fear that i will collapse.

Sin-cerely,

S.C.R.

and i return to me

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 06:06:44 GMT

my ass hurts. i dont know why, i have ahad to take alot of sports pictures recently, maybe thats it, it certainly is a pain in the ass. i have disconnected with everyone which in someways is good, i can getthings done that i have put off and also to question myself about choices in my life and figure out what kind of erson i really am. i dont know, maybe i do everything i do because im bitter, i cant help but not let go of things that bother me. i suppose its imature but i guess i should work on that, but then again whats so wrong about being foolish? cant it be helpful. maybe i am a fool. i can accept that but its just so....conventionaly unconventional, if that makes sense.

sin-cerely,

S.C.R.

piles upon piles upon piles of shit

Mon, 18 Oct 2004 02:29:16 GMT

THURSDAY i went to school then afterwards jonathan and i practiced together, that was cool, jonathan had to go home he was back in an hour and we went to the indian ballet dance thingy wich apparently the story is older than any of homers epics, yeah, so we went, we saw hanna tanya and anita, after wards we all went to the koffee kup that was revealing, interesting conversations all round were had, or maybe it was just me. after that i went home

FRIDAY didnt have school, that was awesome, woke up and went to the first showing of Team America with jonathan, (kick ass movie) after that i went home and was going to meet jonathan to watche die mommie die. he came over at 4 but before that while i was waiting i watched chasing papi, thats really .... latino. after thtat we started watching die mommie die then we stopped cause i had to go to work and so i left he left and we were gone. i went to work and when when i got home, dads friends came over from austin and that was nifty, then i cahnged and i can remeber if i went out or not that night. i dont think i did.

SATURDAY i woke up and decided i would go hang out with melly, when i got to her house she said she was a hypocrite and then we went to get my oil changed, after that it was holland gardens then spirit then savers, i bought tights for ballet and hats and a mold of praying hands, its really funny, and some other shit i don't need.after that i dropped melly off then came home and got ready for work, i went to work and then when i got off i decided i dodnt want to be homeso i called melly to see what she was doing, i ended up goingto chris' house and that was nifty, he is a nice guy, i dunno, i think i flirted with him in my head a little bit.. im weird, after that i was s;eepy so i drove whitney home then myself and made it alive.

SUNDAY i woke up and took a nice shower, i had 4 cups of coffe then went to work, i was really polite to people, after that i went on a 2 and a half hour break, and i got coffee at j+b i was alone. then i went back to work and then came home and decided i needed to do my journal because i dont want to do my paper for english.

sin-cerely.
S.C.R.

sans souci

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 04:07:23 GMT

this evening i came home wiht the intentions of listening to Ingrid's Lament. instead i come home and find myself watching a movie the broken hearts club, i dunno, it was about the lives of this group of close friends who were all gay, i was intrigued with the way they would explain things about the life of being gay, i ended up crying, the thought of finding some one for myself who i could love without feeling guilty or even be loved by one who i enjoy with all my heart being loved, at the end of the movie everyone was alone and none had had a succeddful relationship, with the exception of a guy who actually studies realtionships and reconciles with a former love, this is not me, i seriously have no hope, i could say that i would probably find someone in college but i doubt that i will actually find anyone other than maybe a friend. i dont want to live my life for just haveing one night stands maybe once a year and thats it, it sucks, i hate it thats not love, or a relationship or even the makings of a friendship, in my opinion i think that i should cut myself off from feeling any emotion, though it feel so good to cry, i love crying it always happens after ive seen a brilliant moving piece of cinema or to hear that beautiful song form la wally right before shie jumps off the cliff, i think my soul, though it may sound sad, is in those peices, i am a being that is only really alive when i am brought to great emotions and those are seldomly felt.

sin-cerely
S.C.R.

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 23:54:26 GMT

A Tragedy has happened and there is no hope for happieness.

Today it has come to my attention that there will be no Rocky Horror Picture Show showings at Showplace 6. This is a very tragic thing to happen. Due to lack of enough copies of the movie Showplace 6 will not be able to show Rocky Horror Picture Show at all this year. As you may know this is something that is very important to me and is something that is a momentous occasion for many, but, unfortunatly there will be no absolute pleasure for this year. If you think I am over reacting then im sorry but screw you, this is one of the best things that have happened to me and i have spent many weeks and months preparing for it, and now it is gone, all lost, with no hope for redemption, it's killing me.

no more no more

sin-cerely,

S.C.R.

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 04:21:10 GMT

aahh oh well things are looking better but we must still be dead.

i just had a conversation online that nearly brought me to tears. it did bring me to a realization of what i thought about myself though im glad i knw now so that i can improve upon my self. this is the conversation (or atleast the parts that are important)

a: what bothers you most
BoneOrchardVAMP: my wants and acts
a: such as
BoneOrchardVAMP: like i dont do as well as i could do and when i do i feel no pay off because i dont think i happened for the right reasons or something, and as for wants, im just stupid
a: like in school ro what?
BoneOrchardVAMP: like in everything, if i accomplish something i dont every feel pride in it and when i do i just feel like im an idiot

a: tahts awfwul
a: dont feel that way
BoneOrchardVAMP: but i just dont see myself as being a person that will have reaspect without the loss of credibilitt
BoneOrchardVAMP: *credibility
a: i dont understand

a: whats an exapmle
BoneOrchardVAMP: like
BoneOrchardVAMP: umm
BoneOrchardVAMP: the french t-shirt thing
BoneOrchardVAMP: i made it people liked it
BoneOrchardVAMP: that was nice
BoneOrchardVAMP: but i couldnt help but feel like there were just amused that that was how i spent my time that i would acturally sit diwn and waste time on something
a: i see
a: i didnt think it was weird
a: you just like to do stuff like that
a: who cares what they think

BoneOrchardVAMP: for some reason some part of me does
a: hmm
a: :-(
BoneOrchardVAMP: and besides i always tend to put myself on a lowere elvel than people
BoneOrchardVAMP: i just dont see myself as equal
BoneOrchardVAMP: im always struggling
a: aw shannon
a: dont feel that way
BoneOrchardVAMP: but i do
BoneOrchardVAMP: it sucks and its sad
BoneOrchardVAMP: i dont like it but i do it anyways
BoneOrchardVAMP: i dont seemy self as good at all
BoneOrchardVAMP: i just hink im this dumbass weirdo who is stupid and gay

im over now, its not showing anymore, i am good at avoidning things about me to myself.

this is what was not said

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 16:00:58 GMT

last night, before i went to work gramma was being annoying and complain that her somach area was hurting, what doesnt help is that we have this medical book that is supposed to "help" self diagnosis yourself so you can save money from a doctor or something, needless to say this book is great for a hypocondriac, especially since he book is over 22 years old, yeha im sure its still really useful. so anyway, she went to the hospital and they sent her home and told her to go back in an hour if the pain never went away, while she was home, she kept trying to stress herself out, by worrying about a table that she bought, and trying to make me feel guilty about not picking it up from the store for her, to be quite honest, i really dont care, anywasys so after a long nihgt at work i came home and dad still hadnt gotten home, i looked in grammas room and i thought she was there but aparently i was wrong, i woke up to dad telling me she was in the hospital, and that i neede to do the dishes because he was going to a footballgame witha friend and so the house needed to look nice for guests, apparently they have tested gramma and everything is alright, i think they are gonna do some more tests today, so that will be interesting, im supposed to wait here at home incase she calls to be picked up, this is not cool.soanywasys, im at home and i desided to read journals, and melly is feeling thr same way i do so i ifeel bad for her because its painful and it suks and i really really hate it, everyone just seems not to be happy anymore, it all sucks and i hate it because nothing i do can make me feel better, i love allof the halloween stuff coming out and it makes me happy for a while but inisde im still dead, i hate it so much. there is far too much shit and it all should die. my neck hurts.

sin-cerely,
S.C.R.

i should just stop

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 05:35:35 GMT

just stop your mind forever
lately, i have decided that i am not a good freind for anyone, im either annoying or just not the best person to have in someones life.

recently i have felt that i annoy jonathan, this is probably true seeing as how i do want to spend alot of time with him, i should just stop. he would prolly be better off not being around a person like me, and i would be shit without him, this is my dilema, he is an awesome friend, one of the best i have ever had, so i dont want to bother him.

i havent spent much time with anyone form the former rock, i have classes with whitney and i always end up not going to lunch with her, i dont reall\y know why but i feel bad for not spending tiem with her, i still havent seen the dogs.

i have only seen emily in hoem room this year, that is about it, we have grown apart.

adam, i saw him today, he was talkative more so to miranda and that guy whose name i dont really know oh well, maybe its best that way, it still sucks though.

melly, is cool, she got me singign thriller that was fun.

i dont know what im going to do about all of this, what if I changed. what would that be like? would i be more acceptable in this place or would i become what i hate. ahh this is far too much.

target has cool halloween stuff.

im going to make Quorn tamales, if you want any post a comment and i'll get some to you.

sin-cerely
S.C.R.

gentil? je ne sais pas!

Fri, 10 Sep 2004 03:56:19 GMT

howdy

today i have again realized i put too much effort into things that i suppose dont matter, but i care about them, and i guess im stubborn because i never learn, oh well, i suppose im screwed. i spent 3 hrs toady working on a design for another french club t-shirt this makes a total of about 11 hrs this 6weeks so far tha i have put into making shirt ideas for french, one got picked, mrs beazley didnt care for it much i cant say it was my favourite but hey i was having to appeal to french club as a whole nit just ones who i really cared about. this makes me mad, why cant i adjust to everyone else? then again why would i? this is frustrating, too many thing on my mind, and i still suck at school, this is bull shit.

sin-cerely

S.C.R.